We had two apartments fall through before we got to Germany. When the suggestion of studio apartment came up I immediately said, “Pass.” No way that I thought the idea of ONE shared living space with my beloved hubby and toddler would work. No way, never ever.

And here we are. In 12 x 15 feet of family time. All. The. Time.  And it is kicking my tail.

Expectations.

Since we were headed to a major city with modern conveniences abounding and not to the middle of unreached peoples or a place that would be categorized as “tough,” I really didn’t think that living conditions would be a concern. Sure, I thought we would face some challenges.  I thought we’d be walking more. (True.)  I thought it would take some time to adjust to navigating public transportation with a toddler. (Also true.) But I did not think that my biggest challenge to date would be learning to love my family well and have a worshipful heart in a confined space.

Comparison.

I’ve been trying to pinpoint why this has been so hard for me. I’ve lived in tougher conditions. I’ve shared a twin bed with a teammate for a month, even shared a one-person, mummy sleeping bag with another for a few nights. I’ve had to warm water over a fire for a sponge bath and navigate going to the “toilet”  (AKA hole in the ground) with a headlamp and TP in hand. But I’m quite sure God is way less concerned about how I navigated situations six years ago, then how I am navigating what he has given me in the here and now.

In all those examples the glaring pronoun is “I.” What “I” can personally handle is one thing . . . but I am now part of a “we.” It hurts my wife-and-mama heart to see that our space is not a quiet, clean place for my introverted husband to recharge or a home where my overtired toddler can find peace and rest. I see the effects of our space and want to fix it. I’m carrying the burdens of my family and God keeps not-so-gently reminding me that I’m not the fixer.  He is The Fixer and Perfect Provider.

Perspective.

I’ve woken up several mornings to read over Numbers 21: 4-9. It’s a passage we’ve studied at church and often utilize when we help train students to go overseas.

Look at verses 4 and 5. “And the people became impatient on the way. And the people spoke against God and against Moses, “Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no food and no water, and we loathe this worthless food.”

Oh they had food. Just like we have shelter. But they had gown impatient and then the Lord sent poisonous snakes among them! Say what?!?!? Oh this passage gets me. I’m so grateful that we don’t have snakes slithering around this apartment because I’m certainly looking more like those complaining Israelites than I care to admit.

What is so beautiful and challenging about this passage is that God provides a way to be cured. Those who were bitten by the snakes simply had to look up at the pole with the bronze snake on it. The snakes were not removed and they certainly weren’t transformed into harmless animals . . . but if they had faith to take their eyes off the current circumstances and gaze upon The One Way Out, complete, transforming healing awaited.

Thankfulness.

The best weapon I know to use when Satan starts telling me lies that everything would be better if we just had a different space is G.R.A.T.I.T.U.D.E. (If you haven’t read 1,000 Gifts, click here and order it now. Seriously.) Every night as I’m putting Samuel to bed, I list everything I’m thankful for during the day. And, miraculously, when I am intentional about counting gifts as I see them, I’ve found that I can list numerous things about this little studio that I’m genuinely grateful for.

Purpose.

If we hadn’t taken the chance to leave our familiar, I would have missed this time of learning more about my tendencies towards control, selfishness and sinfulness and my desperate need of Christ’s forgiveness, power and strength. This has been a gift. A challenging, gritty, tear-filled gift that I will be forever grateful for. I pray that you, too, will be able to learn to be thankful and worship our Creator in all of your circumstances.

“I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad. Oh magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together!” Psalm 34:1-3

Praise.

As I was finishing up this post, we got confirmation for a one-bedroom apartment and will be able to move in a week from today and stay the whole summer. Praise the Lord! Pray we worship well in our final week in the studio!